Self-esteem goes beyond simply feeling good about yourself; it plays a significant role in determining one’s success or failure in life. It is essential to have confidence in your ability to manage life and all of its challenges in order to succeed. For children, self-esteem is shaped daily during childhood, and as parents, we have an opportunity to help our child’s self-esteem evolve. Being mindful of what we say to them, how we say it, and how we demonstrate self-esteem in ourselves can positively impact their perception of self.
Helping cultivate a healthy self-esteem in children promotes their propensity to take on challenges, builds resilience in the face of adversity, and creates confidence in their own ability to make decisions, take responsibility and navigate whatever life brings. In this article we share some tips on how to help build self-esteem and confidence in your child(ren).
- Listen – Listen to your children, and demonstrate that you hear and value their thoughts and feelings.
- Step Back – Let them take healthy risks to explore their abilities, learn to make good choices, and solve problems on their own.
- Let them choose – For example, when of an appropriate age, allow them to dress themselves without forcing your choices on them. Doing so reinforces that they have control over their own bodies and can make decisions for it. It also demonstrates that you accept them as they are, and respect their choices.
- Build their Independence – Let them help around the house to build feelings of self worth – explain that chores help support the whole family unit – they will feel included and important, and knowing their contributions are valuable creates a sense of self-worth and ability.
- Encourage – Encourage children to fully engage in their interests, and support their efforts. In committing to a goal and following through they will achieve a sense of accomplishment. Let them know that the follow through is more important than doing it perfectly.
- Let them Fail – Focus less on the “failure” and more on the lesson. Reframe the experience as a learning opportunity from which to build success. Don’t try to rescue them from failure; their ability to overcome losses and rejection strengthens their confidence to manage life’s challenges.
- Support – Let them know you love them unconditionally, and that no matter what, nothing will change your love for them. Letting your child know that you think they’re amazing, and not only when they do amazing things, will bolster their self worth even if they don’t feel good about themselves.
- Recognize – Offer praise for ability, not actions. For example, “Don’t just say ‘good job’ when they show you their artwork or creation. Tell them you like their use of technique or color, their creativity, or specific details that recognize their effort and unique ability.
- Set the Example – Model self confidence yourself – children learn from your actions, equally, if not more, than what you say.
- Regulate – Don’t overreact to mistakes; yours or theirs – demonstrate calm responses and problem solving skills to set the example that no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and it is not the end of the world.
- Set them Up for Success – while challenges are good opportunities for kids to test their abilities, they should also be provided with opportunities to excel in less challenging areas. Help them engage in situations and activities that are equal to their age and ability. Being able to meet these challenges will build their confidence in their ability to handle bigger ones.
- Identify Unrealistic Expectations – As grown-ups we know perfection is unrealistic, and it’s important for kids to get that message as early as possible. Help kids see that what is portrayed on T.V. or the internet does not mean it is real. The ideal that others are always happy, care-free, and lead perfect lives is a fantasy, and a destructive one; no one’s life is perfect.
As caregivers and teachers to our youth, it is our responsibility to make sure they are equipped and capable to navigate and enjoy their journey to and through a successful life. Utilizing the tips discussed, as well as being a source of continuous support and encouragement, will foster a strong foundation from which your child can develop a spirit of independence and positive self-esteem – they will be empowered to take on the world!
If your child is struggling with self-esteem and/or confidence, or you, as a parent, are looking for ways to help support and guide your child, our therapists are ready to help! They are skilled in helping children overcome their self-defeating thoughts and beliefs to uncover their potential for self-love and confidence; and can provide input and suggestions for parents to help their child on this journey.